Stephanie Reviews Bastard!!

Show: Bastard!!— Genre: Action, Adventure— Episodes: 6

This week, I decided to give myself the assignment of finding an anime that I had seen, but would rate very lowly, since all my reviews so far have been things I like. So, here goes.

Kids, strap into the wayback machine, we’re going back to 1992, a time when companies produced shows completely independent from quality, because they knew fans would buy it, because there was no other option. Bastard!! is a six episode OVA based on an ongoing manga series that appears in Ultra Jump, I assume when they run out of other things to print.

I came across this spectacular failure at the turn of the century, when some friends and I were quenching our anime thirst by circulating VHS copies of bootlegged films with varying quality. It was on a tape with a DBZ movie and Dragon Half, and I still associate the three of them even though they have nothing in common.

Bastard!! is not appropriate for children. Or anyone, really. Our plot is simple: the bad guy, Dark Schneider, is trying to take over the world and also get a girlfriend or three. He’s been in prison for a while, and by prison I mean trapped inside the body of this kid:

Because that’s a thing.

Meanwhile, Dark Schneider’s lackeys have been trying to raise the god Anthrasax so that the apocalypse happens.

Fast forward 15 years in the storyline, and THE APOCALYPSE HAS HAPPENED. Seriously, the bad guy wins, but the story doesn’t end. And we don’t see how they did it, it’s just done. Then, Dark Schneider decides his old allies have gone too far, and fights for the good guys, sort of! With magic!

And there are demons, and guts, and ladies who can’t seem to keep their clothes on for any amount of time.

Our main characters and places are all named after 80s US metal bands. In the version released to us, Anthrax was changed to Anthrasax, Metallica to Meta-Ricana, etc. There is a female character in this series called Bon Jovina. Really.

The OVA ends on a cliffhanger, which doesn’t really matter since you can’t tell what’s going on anyway. The internet tells me there were supposed to be two more episodes, but even they thought it was so bad, they never finished making it.

Bastard!! is so terrible, it sort of loops back around to being entertaining. It has to be, or it wouldn’t still be talked about. There are lots of fans of this show, for reasons I can’t quite fathom. If it weren’t for the confusing, disjointed episodes, time jumps, and lack of ending, I might have actually enjoyed it. It makes no sense at all. None. There’s a lot of crying, and fighting, and yelling. They resolve three out of four characters they’re supposed to be chasing. Then, you think something is going to happen, and it’s over. That’s the cliffhanger.

I give it 1 out of 10 Golden Tanukis.  Everybody gets one.

Stephanie is a UF alumnus who enjoys baking, reading, cats, and the internet. Also anime. OK mostly anime. 

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